Journey to Glam

You know, I’ve always been an early bloomer. Boobs? Had them at 11. Period? Got it in 6th grade… Friends? Always 1-2 years older. So naturally, you say, I should have expected other things to come early too…like say a quarter life crisis at 20? Well F you mind, b/c you forgot to warn me and now here I am smack dab in the middle of a quarter life crisis with no effing windows open and all the doors closed. Whoever said that bullshit about windows closing and doors opening was LYING b/c trust me…I’ve searched this room with a fine tooth comb and its windowless, doorless and damn suffocating.

Actually come to think of it…I’ve been in this damn trapped room with QLC (quarter life crisis) for about 11 months now. You want to know exactly when QLC visited…At midnight on May 26, 2007. Why do you remember that so well you ask? well when the mother of all panic attacks arrives and swoops in on you as you stand unarmed and vulnerable with PJs and open arms…you damn well remember the day that felt like the German invasion into your life.

…Since then, there have been moments where I hit rock bottom, moments where I dug fifty feet below rock bottom to hide, moments where I crawled my way out to the brink just as the earth slid under my feet again and amazing moments of clarity. These last few moments have been rare but they have made me appreciate them so much more; they have brought me closer to family, friends and God and have helped me build some strong crutches to hobble with.

…All that to say that I’m in the last leg of the fight against QLC right now and I think I’m coming out stronger… This damn thing is being beaten to the edges of the room and its fighting area is getting smaller everyday because I’ve dug in my arms, legs, elbows, toes and fingers to stay in the fight and the dreams are just beginning to be made. Sometimes QLC resurfaces in moments of vulnerability or when I lay down to sleep at night but I’m fighting it with my swords of preparedness and dog-gone persistence.

So all that to say, the next few weeks are going to be crazy but things should settle down soon enough. By the end of May, I’ll hopefully know where my life is going, what I’ll do with it and if I’m going to end up living on the side of the streets with a begging bowl by my side. (You’ll come visit me won’t you?) Until QLC decides to pass, to give up and go home, things are going to be irregular and my poor mind is going to have to get used to being pulled in a 10 different directions. Until I throw QLC a going away party, I’m going to sit here with my heels dug firmly into the ground (but not too hard b/c no one wants a broken heel fiasco on their hands), refusing to step out of fighting rink. I’m like putty baby, stretch me, pull me, squeeze me, love me…I ain’t breaking!

Oh I suppose when QLC decides to leave, I should give it a gracious parting gift…after all who better than QLC to teach you that you can’t judge another person’s life until you’ve walked 500 miles in their shoes, and then 500 more to fall down exhausted and limp at their door.